The Dark Night of The Soul by Mr. Twenty Twenty

The Dark Night.

The hunger from the soul.

I had been on “The Spiritual Quest” for years.   Maybe decades.

Always I have searched for something deeper.   But my spiritual quest only became a “full time job” after being held hostage by inmates in one of the most devastating prison riots back in 1989.

I had been married, divorced, held jobs, quit them, had successful businesses, lost my shirt.  All several times before, “The Dark Night”.

I didn’t know it was coming.

I had now clue if it would ever end.

One day I was normal.  The next day I was Touched by “God”.  This was back in 2002 / 2003.

A profound sense of connection, followed by a peaceful silence, shifts beyond comprehension, then….

The Dark Night.

A sense of sadness, a longing so deep, it goes beyond description.

Accompanied with a sense of completion, a knowing everything is all at once perfect, peace without cause, knowing without expression.

All at once.   An “evergreen” knowing of the miraculous, with a sadness beyond description.

Love and loss.  Deeper than I had had ever known.

Weird words to be written so close together.

Even more weird to be experienced all at once.  Not back and forth.

All at once.

What’s even more amazing, while all this was “going on” on the inside, I was building an international training and coaching business on the outside.

Laying in bed for hours, weeping.   So sad.  And yet happy, peaceful, beyond bliss.

And holding trainings, producing products spontaneously, as they showed up.

Not for a moment “pretending” everything was perfect while everything was falling apart, just experience everything as perfect while everything was falling apart.


Joan of Arcadia was on primetime on CBS.

A television show about a teenage girl, who reminded me dearly of my daughter, who talks to God, and has tiny little “nut missions” every show.

At the end of the season, while I was deep in “The Dark Night”, Joan was experiencing hers, on primetime tv.

I laughed.  I wept.   Sitting with my ex wife Carol, watching Joan, telling Carol that THAT was my life.

In a way.   But it was  / is more than that.   And much less than that.

Or maybe, The Dark Night – a “spiritual” experience – just can’t be put into “mental” words.

For my friends who can relate, and my friends who just need to know.

You are loved.  You are not alone.

Now we return to our regular programming.

Whoo yah!

Twenty Twenty

If inspired – Share some tobacco.

By Twenty Twenty

Mr Twenty Twenty is that guy who legally changed his name to the number of "Perfect Vision". He lives his life, focused on helping people develop the inner resources they need to live their personal visions, while discovering who and what we "really are". If you enjoy his writing, let him know by emailing him at

1 comment

  1. Mr 2020, I cannot describe how this just opened my heart. I can only say that I feel so grateful for the openess and kindness you have sharing your spirit with us all. You have put into words, what I even with my poetry could not. I would like to share this link with many others who I know will find peace in your story. Love and light to you always!

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