How to change your husband or wife. By Mr. Twenty Twenty
Hey mate,
Sometimes during a coaching session or live training, I get asked, “How can I help / change my spouse?” I’ve got a really powerful answer for that one. If you apply it, you will be genuinely surprised at the results you get.
Ready? Here we go!
The best way to change your husband / wife / girlfriend / etc is to LEAD. Now I don’t mean be a Drill Sargent. I mean choose to change / grow / evolve deliberately yourself.
I’ve been “doing this” in one form or another for 20 years. One thing I have noticed, and been told repeatedly by those in the know, you can’t change anyone else…. without incurring consequences.
You can notice a few things. Just try golden nuggets on.
- You and them are connected / attracted to each other for some reason.
- The way you are connected invites you to do one of two things. Here is the first, you can be connected in a way that helps each other get stuck - so you are stuck together. Maybe you’ve seen a few less than happy couples like this?
- The other option is to invite yourself and your mate to connect in a way, that helps / challenges / supports each other in growth. This “way”, you actually Grow Together.
So there is a choice, get stuck more firmly together, or grow more completely together. What kind of relationship do you choose to invite and build today?
Onward!
So…
I go to the mall with my private training client. (I spend a lot of time at the malls with clients. Great places to learn about yourself, and the people around you.) She is a relationship therapist. We spend our first four hours noticing “what brings them together” and “what keeps them at a specific distance from each other”. We are looking at, and just chatting with couples at the mall.
Her almost 10 years in college never prepared her for what she could begin to notice in just a glance… because I TRAINED her in the art of NOTICING MORE…. and I invited her to Diagnose less.
Because anytime you notice, you invite change. It’s true in the sub atomic world, it’s true in the consciousness world too. Part of the key is to notice WITHOUT judging, leading, or trying to CHANGE THEM.
One of the Old Indians I learned from just giggled a lot. He taught me to notice how silly our “crap is”, and how to notice the DETAILS, how to discover exactly how we build “our crap”. His simply noticing and being entertained, would invite it to simply fall apart, which it often did. I took that lesson, used it to transform my life, and built a practice on helping people notice how silly their crap is, how they make it happen repeatedly, and how to gently move beyond it.
Then there are computers. They are a bit different than people, but….
My friend Scott Adams fixed Carol’s computer the other day. He took the time to use his experience and NOTICE more about the system in minutes, than I could have in days. Of course, I watched him work, asked him questions, paid attention, and learned how to notice even more. Then I went home and did some preventative maintenance on my two systems… not because he suggested it, but because that is what he would do.
So….
Here’s my question for you today, how will you choose to GROW and INVITE those around you to grow? Keep it simple. Keep it fun. Keep it to yourself.
Notice what you would would enjoy having, and what it would enjoy not having, and have fun!
Invite more of the plus in. Invite more of the minus to keep on trucking.
Here’s to inviting YOU!
Your friend,
Twenty Twenty
PS: We had the world’s first Curious Call this past Wednesday. We explored the power of Twins – Sharing – and Hot Dogs. It was an amazing adventure in The Art of Inviting. You can download it in the “Just 12 Bucks” section above, and join in the discussion on The Zombie Killing List too. Comments and discussion are fun!